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Yesterday I thought I was dying...

(15 April 2020)

I had the worst asthma attack of my life. For a few minutes I could not breathe, I could not move, phlegm was running out of my mouth. I was not scared, but I prayed and asked God to please let me die quickly. Suffocating must be one of the most terrifying ways to die. Why am I telling you this? I am telling everybody this so that they realize what happens to a person lying in hospital, on respirators, not being able to breathe, and finally, maybe dying from this pandemic. People bitch and moan about being restricted, about not having enough money, they want to travel, go to the sea, have parties, etc. Do you know, all that means NOTHING. If you do not have your health or your life, you are NOTHING. I got chronic bronchial asthma from the pollution in North Italy. I lived in isolation, in different places, alone, away from my home and husband, because the pollution were killing me slowly. Until I was told to move to the sea or die. So we moved. First I and then 6 months later my husband finally got a transfer. I still live in 99% isolation as everywhere I go something can trigger an asthma attack. I did not get compensation for my suffering. I do not get a disability pension, I cannot work a normal or parttime job. All I have is our garden and home. I don't have citizenship in Italy because they want a police clearance certificate from the country I came from. Impossible. I cannot travel anymore, plus I have been in Italy for 8 years already. So what, I have permanent residence without limitations (sorry, some limitations as I cannot get an Italian Passport or vote), I have a home, I have my life. And for that I thank God. I also suffer from allergies galore, anxiety, claustraphobia and lately I have the dreaded psoriasis which flared up again. This is a bit of a problem with wearing a mask. As it is, my glasses irritate the back of my ears where there is evidence of the psoriasis and I have to wear a mask? A bit of a problem I would say. So what, I am alive and have my home and garden, and my husband. Oh, and also the wonderful flowers and plants, and all the birds that I feed in the garden. The bees and the butterflies, lizards and gheckoes. They are all beautiful. And again, I thank God for my life.

I do not want your sympathy. I am telling you all of this so that you can appreciate what every government is doing. Respect that and take responsibility. Stay the hell at home and stop moaning and blaming the rest of the world. You are all in rehabilitation now. Yes, rehab! You have to get your priorities right in life. Be thankful for all that is around you and for your life.

Remember, if you do not respect yourself or others and act responsibly, to die because you cannot breathe is a terrible death.

I wish you goodnight now. I have to take my medication and I still feel very weak today, but with the grace of God I get my strength to carry on regardless of all my shortcomings. Sleep tight and God bless.

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